Tinder Tales

Now from the title of this post you might think that I'm here to disclose all the crazy people/dates/experiences that have happened to me becasue of experimenting (for blogging purposes only of course) with the dating app Tinder. You might expect a story about the guy who was super awkward when we went to get smoothies because he needed an insulin shot and didn't know how to do it in front of me in a non-awkward way or you might expect a story about that one guy where the date only lasted for 45 minutes and he drove an hour to get to the date in the first place or maybe the guy I shot some hoops with and never saw again or maybe that one relationship that actually turned out okay for a little while and we are still friends.

But no, this story isn't about Tinder and I.

It's about that one time I got passed up for a bikini model that a guy I was interested in met on Tinder. Leaving me to sit at my table of computers all alone, never to be spoken to or acknowledged again.

Let me splain...


Once upon a time there was a boy who sat next to me in Digital Imaging. He wasn't bad looking, had a beard (which I'm usually not a fan of, but in this case he could pull it off), was tall, and looked to be LDS. At first we sat by each other by chance, but by the next couple of weeks it was habit. We would exchange small talk about our weekend, complain about being tired, help each other out on in class assignments and were slowly getting to know each other. Or so I thought.

One day I glanced over at him and saw Tinder pulled up on his phone (I have this awful habit of looking at what people are doing on their phones when they sit next to me. It's even worse when I'm at church because then I feel the urge to read their texts to see if it is in any way related to the meeting. I'm a creepy stalker guys. It's like eavesdropping but somehow worse because it's not vocal).  The first thing that went through my mind was "Seriously kid? A cute, nice, relatively normal girl is sitting right next to you and you would rather sit on Tinder?", but seeing as how I never really saw anything between us going anywhere anyways, I let it go. I mean, what else was I suppose to do? Reveal that I was stalking his phone activity over his shoulder and tell him that he should totally date me instead? No. Plus, guy friends are good too right?

I didn't think much about the incident until the next class period after class. He packed up his stuff really quick (which was new-he usually took his sweet time) and bee-lined it towards another girl in the class. As I walked out the door all I heard was, "Hey, I thought we should probably meet in person since we are in the same class rather than just on social media and stuff."

He had totally met her on Tinder.

I could hardly contain my laughter at the awkward scene.

The next week I thought I might at least have the entertainment of being able to witness the guy I had been somewhat interested in exchange some more awkward conversations with Tinder girl, but no. He sat by me like normal. I thought maybe things had gone south until my teacher mentioned she had emailed saying she would be in Cancun for the next week. And that is when it hit me:

This was the girl the that when we went around saying what we liked to do the first day of class shyly admitted that she did "physique competitions". When my teacher asked in his adult innocence what that was, someone else blurted out "she's a bikini model!"

As soon as she was back in class, my "friend" was latched to her side, trying harder and saying more to her in a class period than he had to me the entire semester combined. I'm not even sure if he's made eye contact with me since changing tables and leaving me all alone in my little corner.

I guess when faced with a normal looking, tall, kind of awkward girl like me, the tiny little freshman, sorority sweater wearing bikini model might look like the better choice.

I wish him all the luck he deserves, which isn't much, because really, things like this only work out in the movies. The ugly bearded duckling hardly ever gets the bikini wearing swan.

xoxo
C.R.M.

Boys Boys Boys

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a music junkie. I've been to many a concert (but still not enough), my Spotify account has at least 30 playlists on it (in a certain mood you want a playlist for? I can probably hook you up), and I can sing all the words to most of the songs on the radio. Music has always defined me and my life in a way nothing else can.

Boys and music must have been on the brain this morning because as I was getting ready I realized that I could list at least one or more songs for every guy I've dated or almost dated, or dreamed about dating. Now I know most people can do this for the boyfriends they had in high school and college, but I realized I have songs for some guys that I only went on a couple dates with and it never turned into anything more than that. Or ones I never went out with at all. Creepy? Probably. But hey, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do when it comes to the dating scene. And wallowing in my tunes is my way of coping (and let me tell you, I've been around the block more than once and I've been told multiple times my dating stories should be made into a book or a movie or something ridiculous like that. They are that good (bad?). I think it will be time to share some of them on the blog someday. They are too fantastic to keep to myself and the pages of my journal).

After making this somewhat creepy realization, I decided a new playlist was in order. Because who doesn't want to torture themselves with the memories that these sort of songs invoke again and again? Isn't it funny how we do this to ourselves? We keep these songs around even when they still hurt after several years have gone by. We keep that t-shirt he gave us and we still sleep in it at night even though he's engaged now and we were the one to do the breaking up. It's like Goteye said, "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness" or Lady Antebellum: "It's like I love this pain a little too much, love my heart all busted up". You wouldn't think we would like these things that make us sad or a little too reminiscent. But we do. Maybe it's to help remind ourselves that we can still feel. Maybe it's to remind our hearts of how much we've learned since that time in our lives. Or maybe we are just all cynical, sadistic creatures that have a strange desire to hurt. I guess that could be it too. (Cue Evenesence emo punk rock).

I may not know the exact reason why we (or at least I) do this to ourselves, but we do. So enjoy this little piece of me and my life through the tunes that shaped my heart (can I get anymore sappy than that? I submit that I cannot!)

xoxo
C.R.M.


 

23 Things to do Before You're 23...Married or Single

 

I've never really gotten into the whole "response" blog posts that people like to do because I feel like too much of the time all it involves is a lot of finger pointing and empty facts. But some blog posts that I have seen recently really hit home and I decided I needed to share my thoughts on the subject as I reenter into the blogging world. Thoughts that have been running around in my mind for a long time anyways.

The first article I saw posted on Facebook was the following: 23 Things to do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23 by Vanessa Elizabeth. (Pardon the language throughout, in other words, mom you probably shouldn't read it. ha.). I read it, laughed, agreed with her on some points, "liked" it, then promptly forget it existed. Until I saw the following response post that a different friend said she liked much more than the original: 24 Things to Do Instead of Getting Married Before You're 24, a Response. This article written by Taylor, was more than a little rude about the things that the first article listed as things to do before you are married. I started browsing through the comments on the blog and was suprised to find myself disagreeing with both blog post by the end of all this reading. So. Here you have it, my response: 23 Things to do Before You're 23...Married or Single.


I'm a 22 year old, single female, living in a state that has one of the lowest marriage ages for both men and women. Am I an old maid? Heck no. But does it sometimes feel that way with the number of relationship and engagements popping up on Facebook daily? Sometimes. It honestly does feel like Vanessa posted on her blog

What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook.  I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me.  Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?

But in the end, we are who we are and there is nothing that should hold us back from having a fulfilling life, married or unmarried. I think this is something that both posts failed to mention. Why do you only get a list of crazy, fun, service oriented, nerdy, etc, activities to do to feel fulfilled in life if you are single? I have some amazing friends and role models who are having more of those type of things happen in their life being married than I have been able to have while being single. Does that mean that either of our ways of life are better? Does that mean either of us are doing life wrong? I don't think so.

Maybe Taylor thought that Vanessa's list of things was too earthly, too "I can have whatever I want". But I also found Taylor's list to have a few flaws itself. Do I have a perfect list of the exact things someone should do to feel like they are making a difference or having fun while they linger on this little planet in the universe? No. And I would never try to pass anything I have to say as 100% true for anyone. Even myself.

But in the end I don't think it should matter if you are single, married, divorced, separated, have a boyfriend, or only have your cat to cuddle with at the end of the night. We all need something from time to time to help us feel like we are making it. Like we are not just surviving, but checking some things off our list of things to do. Maybe that means you eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting like Vanessa, or maybe that means you sponsor an orphan for a year like Taylor. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you are developing and becoming someone that you can love. Because how can someone else love you for who you are, (husband, boyfriend, friend, parent, sibling, future significant other) if you don't love yourself? Coming to truly love yourself is a lifelong pursuit in my opinion. And the times when I have felt that love of myself and of my life have often been the times I feel like I am fulfilling some life-long dream or desire.Those are also the times I feel the most able to open myself up and share that love by giving and sharing with others.

In the end, I don't think there needs or should be a set list of things you want to do before you get married. Why limit yourself in that way? Why do we have to feel like all our crazy plans have to go out the window as soon as we tie the knot? And why do we also sometimes feel like we can't truely be the person we are meant to be without someone else by our side? We are all so uniquely perfect and flawed. I think it's time for us to realize that inside of ourselves and maybe, you know, make a list of things we want to accomplish since that seems to be the theme of this time of year. Cat lady in training or otherwise...

So here is my list in no particular order. I don't expect it to be anyone elses list, and I'm not going to pretend that all of the things I want to accomplish in my life are selfless. But they are things I've always wanted to do, and maybe someday they will actually happen. Even if I have to wait until my honey and I are 83 years old instead of me accomplishing them as a single female at 23.

 1. Write a Novel.
2. Tour Europe. All of it.
3. Cook a fancy four course dinner where everyone is required to dress up like in the olden days.
4. Sew a tailored dress that fits me perfectly.
5. Graduate from college and rebrand a company.
6. Go on a humanitarian aid trip to a third world country.
7. Swim with dolphins.
8. Hike the Grand Canyon.
9. Read every book written by C.S. Lewis.
10. Have an item of clothing I've designed be sold somewhere
11. Take a road trip to New York.
12. Sing a solo in front of a crowd with my guitar.
13. Learn how to play the piano.
14. See Rascal Flatts, and Missy Higgins in concert and sing every word to every song.
15. Help others become healthier any way I can.
16. Get married in the temple (yes I know this one is impossible to do while single)
17. Throw a suprise party that is actually successful.
18. Play ultimate frisbee on a beach somewhere.
19. Learn how to ski/snowboard.
20. Be in a community play/musical.
21. Serve a mission.
22. Get my interpriting license for ASL (American Sign Language)
23. Own a cat...maybe two.

There you have. In essence, Chelsea's Bucket List of Life.

Life is meant to be lived, not pined after, or wallowed in. Marriage has just as many challenges as being single. But it has just as many joys as well. We can learn from each other, grow from the stages of life we are in, and help others grow because we are all at different stages. How boring life would be if we all did the same things at the exact same time?

I think it's okay to be selfish sometimes and do something just for you. Watch Netflicks all day. Make your cake and eat it too. But we always need to remember to reign it in and thank those who have helped us get to where we are. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that everything happens when it should. Your story may include getting married at 19, or it might hold that chapter back for a little while. Either way, you have so much to offer this world and there is just so much to DO! It's overwhelming sometimes, especially when I try and do it all at once. But it makes life a joy to live. Because I'm single. And I'm awesome. And you might be married. And that's awesome. We are all just awesome and full of so much potential that we need to release to the world.

So will you do that with me?

Let's get out there and have some fun :)


xoxo
CRM

A Backwards Glance at all the Firsts: 2012

This past year has held a lot of firsts, beginnings, endings, excitement, disappointment, and soul searching. I feel like I have grown more as a person the past year than maybe any year before. On that note, here are a couple of the highlights from 2012 (the year the world was suppose to end. Also, sorry this post is so long, but everything is better with a lot of pictures, right?):

I went to my first crazy college New Years Dance (ok, it was at the SLC Institute so it wasn't THAT crazy).

I went to my first Brain Regan Concert. It was worth every penny and my cheeks were sore all night! If you ever get the chance to go, DO IT!

This wasn't my first, but it was a first none the less! I accompanied my roommates to go see Parachute when they came a second time to Salt Lake City to a sold out show. It was beyond amazing! It was two of my roommates first concert! I am such a concert junkie that it was fun to see them at their first one. 

I planned/went on my first Spring Break vacation without parental supervision. A group of us hopped in cars and went to St. George. It was also my first time driving for longer than an hour at a time (leg=sore). It was by far one of the funnest trips I have ever been on. 

Hugh's Family (Peter was the dad, I was the mom, the rest were our kids :P )

I experienced my first Color Festival. Man was it crazy! But SO much fun. I totally plan on going again this year!

I was bold and had my first "break up" hair cut--everyone says you'll regret it later, but I sure didn't!

I met the guy who plays Elton in Singles Ward. It was a big deal ok?

I posted my first DIY shirt to my blog and Pintrest (it is still my most viewed post and pin).

I started my first full-time summer job that extended into the school year at US Novelty and Party (this was a pic on my first day of work).

I successfully pranked a boys room for the first time with a whole bunch of left over yarn. 

I became a member of the Latter-Day Saint Student Association (LDSSA) at the SLC Institute as head of the Historian committee. I also designed the t-shirts that you can see everyone wearing around the UofU campus!

The first of my best girl friends got her mission call: California ASL speaking. She is in the MTC right now and I am so proud of her!

I went to my first Murder Mystery Party and it was a blast. 

I sang in a choir for the Relief Society Broadcast for the first time (though it was not my first time singing in a choir in the Conference Center).

I went to Nightmare on 13th for the first time (I'm the crazy looking one in hipster glasses almost hidden in the back :p What you can't see is that I'm wearing a cat shirt ;). )

I wore a wig cap and a wig for the first time for a Hallowen Costume. (LOVE this costume.)

Dress: Thrifted (such a good find), Beads: Claires and borrowed from my roommates, Gloves: Halloween City, Boa: Halloween City, Wig: Halloween City, Bracelets: Claires (way old), Ring: Forever 21, Tights: JCP, Lips: Sephora Lipstain

And last but not least, I threw my first ever Christmas Party that ended up being a SMASHING hit! 

So there are some highlights of the "firsts" I experienced this year. To wrap things up, a few firsts and highlights that I don't really have pictures for: 

I experienced for the first time what it feels like to find your perfect match and have them not feel the same.

I got into the Graphic Design program, so I have a concrete plan for the next 2 1/2 years for the first time since I didn't get into the program the first time. 

I was paid for my first design job. 

I created this blog.

I went fishing for the first time and LOVED it. 

I had my first summer romance.

I rode a moped for the first time. 

I ate sushi for the first time and actually liked it. 

I had my purse stolen. 

I spent a summer not at home for the first time. 

I got my first big paycheck and was tempted to blow it all. 

I experienced what it felt like to be loved back...and what it feels like to be the one to end things. 

I started an Etsy shop.

I signed up for my first boutique (more on this to follow).

Well there you have it folks. Here's to 2013 and all the new firsts that are just waiting to happen! I plan on grabbing each new experience by the horns and riding them till the next one comes along!

Happy New Year!

xoxo

CRM

Bloging Hiatus and Making a Comeback

I check Blogger almost every day to catch up on all the blogs I love to read and check out the outfits I wish I had the money to buy (And sometimes not. Even if I had the money, I think I would still have a hard time spending over $10 for a t-shirt no matter how cute it is.). But this time I checked up on my own blog and realized with dismay that it had been five months since my last post.

Pathetic much?

There are more than a few reasons why this little blog hiatus was inevitable to happen:

1: I got a job. Yay 9-5 work. (But really I am grateful for the work and the money.)

2: Summer ended. School began.

This is the first summer I have spent away from home and needless to say I felt the need to fill the void of family time with other things like blogging and ultimate frisbee. Well, once that ever elusive time of summer passed and the new semester started with me in my design program, all hobbies seemed to go out the window. Any free time was spent doing homework and spending time with my then boyfriend. I didn't touch my cross stitch, digital scrapbooking, sewing machine, or blog for almost the entire semester (as you are now realizing I'm sure). I never knew how hard it would be to balance work, school, and life...and still get good grades and some sleep.

It is defiantly an art.

3: Curve balls.

Life has a way of throwing us curve balls right when we are expecting a fastball. (That is about as far as I can go with the baseball analogies. I'm a football/basketball girl all the way.) It is amazing to me how hard some of these changes in life can hit us and rock us to the core. I have been what I can only call floundering for the past two months. There has been a lot of soul searching, decision making, tears and Taylor Swift songs. (Thank you RED for coming out at just the right time. How did you know almost 1/2 of your songs would be oh so applicable?) There was an easy way before me and a hard way. Two paths that would determine my strength and spirituality. Of course the hard way was also the right way. And in the end, after a long internal battle, that still has its little skirmishes sometimes, I chose the hard way. The right way.

Were there moments when I wanted to give up and give in?

Yes.

Are there still those moments when I let the insecurity and fear creep in?

Heck yes.

But I finally feel like I'm on the up and up.

There are many times, looking over the past semester, that I wish it never happened. Times when I wish life came with a remote all decked out with a huge rewind button. But when I really stop and mull over the things I've learned, the ways I've grown, I don't think I'd take it all back. Do I wish I would have made some different choices that could have saved some heartache? Yes. But we all have those times in life. The trick is to figure out a way to come out of them alive. Maybe not unscathed, but alive and aware of how wonderful life can be. Even if we can only recognize that in small tiny doses at first because our "sad song" playlist is deafening the beauty in our minds.

The only advice I have to those of you who might be in similar spots in your life right now is this:

Make the right decision, no matter how hard or painful.

Stick to it no matter what.

Keep moving forward.

It's the only way you will be able to make it through.

-------------------------------------

Ok, so the reasons for my hiatus did end up being only a few (3), but let me tell you, each is jam packed with reasoning and justifications out the wazoo.


I've made it through somehow, the semester is over, and the year is almost out. So let me publicly (You know, to my...8 followers?) declare this here post a COMEBACK. 

COMEBACK  [kum-bak]
noun
a return to a former higher rank, popularity, position, prosperity in all things
crafty, how-to, fashion, life and love

Maybe it will be just as awesome as Kelly Clarkson's comeback. Just sayin'.

xoxo
C.R.M.

p.s. Can I just say that the biggest reasons I am SO HAPPY classes are over are the chance to craft, be with my family and cuddle with my kitty. Bring on the eggnogg!

Emoticons

It is rather amazing how many emotions one can go through in a single day. For some reason today has been rather eclectic in its collection of thoughts and feelings. I blame Aunt Flo's monthly visit.

The day began rather glumly...

:( Waking up lonely is never a good feeling. Especially after falling asleep lonely listening to your go-to  feel sad song. {Currently mine is Come Wake Me Up by Rascal Flatts. It's wonderfully sad.} We all have them, and even though we know how they will make us feel at 11 o'clock at night all alone in our apartments. But we listen to them anyways. Over and over again.

:/ The day got a little better when I realized I had a cute outfit to wear and I got free Papa Johns pizza for lunch from work. It's greasy goodness all but canceled out my 4 straight nights of ultimate frisbee. But oh was it worth it. I'm pretty sure I sometimes scare all the warehouse guys with my ability to tuck it away at our weekly Friday lunches.

>:( Listening to angry people on the phone makes me angry. NO the company I work for is not personally trying to make your life a living heck. But you are making mine one right now. Thanks.

:) I got out of work a bit late, but after filling up with gas I headed to a retreat for a group I am a part of through the LDS institute up here in SLC. It was a bit of a drive, but it was nice to just put pedal to the medal and let off some steam. When I got to the house we were having this little get together at, my smile grew even larger. The yard was GORGEOUS. It wound and wound with a sport court, hammock area, fire pit, trees, a fountain etc etc. All I can say is I want a cool yard someday that my kids can explore to their hearts content...Ok, I admit it. I really want it so I can explore it to my hearts content!

;) I am so grateful for the people I get to work with in LDSSA (Later Day Saint Student Association). Going to this retreat tonight was exactly what I needed to raise my mood. There was good food, spiritual nourishment, and more laughter than I've had in a long time. Even coming home smelling like campfire was alright by me.

:D For some reason by the time I got in my car to drive home after the retreat, I was feeling sky high. There is just something about driving on the freeway at night with the windows down, music blasting, and the city lights surrounding me that always gets to me. I sat in my car and realized that I don't need to let anyone bring me down. I don't have to do things I don't want to do just because someone who doesn't want me will be there. I can decide how to live and how everything affects me. Maybe it won't be easy, heck I know it won't, but will it make you happier in the end? Probably. Will you be happier for because of it? Most definitely. Will I regret ending my day listening to Brian Regan's All By Myself CD? Not one little bit.

xoxo
C.R.M.

Newfound and Nifty + Sunday Confessions 6.17.12

First off, I have to pay my dues and give a shout out to the most amazing man in my life. 

My Dad. 

He has done so much for me in the almost 21 years I've been around, I can't even express my gratitude. He is the reason I love sports and especially basketball. He is the reason I can ride a bike and drive a car. He has pushed me to become the best that I can be and he has loved me through every up and down. I don't know what I would do with out his influence in my life and I am so thankful to be able to spend the day with him!

Love you Dad!

Inspiration: 

"Love isn't something that's just tossed around between lost and found."

Charly always makes me cry, and for those of you who know me, I don't cry often. So of course when I had to come home early from church with my little sister who isn't feeling well, it was my Sunday movie of choice. Someday I'll find a man who will love me as much as Sam loved her and would ride with me for hours on a ferris wheel. 

Tunes:

No matter how many times I hear this song, I still turn it up loud and sing along at the top of my lungs when it comes on the radio. There is a reason it is still #1 on iTunes! Also, the music video is horribly funny, just wait until the end!

I also can't help but love all the memes that have surfaced because of this song!

Obsession:

Fonts. 

I am totally a font nerd. 

My Font Book is organized by type and I use it often. 

Helvetica, Comic Sans, and Papyrus are my worst nightmares. 

Projects: 

I honestly don't have any right now. Sad days. But my mind is bursting with ideas like refashioned men's shirts, t-shirt make-overs, a new patchwork purse and a color blocked pencil skirt just to name a few!

Sunday Confessions:

I'm linking up again with Alyx over at Every Day is a New Adventure!

1: Sometimes my cat Maggie is my very best friend. She will cuddle without questions, demand my attention 24/7 and listen without interrupting. If only I could find a man who was just as dedicated. ;)

2: I have a bad habit of buying fabric and patterns...and then never doing anything with them. Boy do I need to get on it before I become a little old lady pushed out of her own room by her fabric collection!

3: I have seen all three High School Musicals more times than I can count and have most of the songs memorized. And to all of those who were discussing it at FHE last week, you know you secretly like some of the songs too and stayed up to watch the first one when it first aired on Disney Channel. Just admit it. :)

4: I really don't like baseball. I went to my first game in years last Monday and ended up talking through the entire game and leaving early to go get non-ridiculously priced food. Call me unAmerican, but I just don't see the draw of a bunch of guys occasionally running around in a circle. On the plus side the peanuts were good!

5: I'm really wantin' me some summer lovin'. If only so I could sing the song from Grease with my roomies!

Well there you have it folks. That's all for me today! Here's hoping the next week will be a little less hectic and some real blogging and project doing can get done. Until next time!

xoxo

C.R.M.

Heartbreak Is

Heartbreak is:

pretending to be okay by dressing up and wearing dark lipstick and heels

agreeing to something even though you know it will mean torture for you

making chocolate covered strawberries so it seems like less chocolate consumption (fyi: it is way more)

curling up on the couch in a huge hoodie and a cozy blanket with all of the lights off

holding onto your stuffed monkey named Squeeze (Z for short) for dear life because it's the only way to hold together the hole in your heart

watching Dear John because you know its sad and anything happy will just make you more upset

looking back through pictures from years ago to the present and thinking of all the "what if's"

                            what happens when you try to move on.



xoxo
CRM

Joy in the Journey and Faith in the Destination

Imagine a rocket ship about to be launched into space.

Think of all of the preparations, persuasions and perseverance that had to take place to get that rocket ship on the platform about to take off.

It's quite a bit, right?

I can't even comprehend all the science and math that must go on behind the scenes to make everything work smoothly and keep the passengers on board safe while they journey. I'm just glad there are other people who get to take care of those things and not me.

Alright, so you have all the science, you've packed your astronaut food, and your suit has been shined until it sparkles. You board the rocket, the signal is given and with a roar, you slowly begin your flight up into the unknown. The smoke fades, the crowd disperses and you are left alone in the sky. You look down and see the earth that you have come to know so well disappear behind you. You face forward, determined to get to your destination successfully so you can bring back new knowledge to your colleges. You look down at the coordinates that should be blinking on the screen in front of you to tell you which way to turn to begin your adventures in space.

You gasp.

There are no blinking dots.

The screen in blank and you start to panic. Here you are in the middle of nowhere, the middle of nowhere in SPACE, and you have no idea what direction you are suppose to go or even how to get back home. You were expecting there to be a map of some sort with step by step directions to hlep you get to your destination. Suddenly you realize that you don't even know what that destination is. You were never told. Shouldn't this have been part of the debriefing? Shouldn't there be some sort of manual or chart or something to show you what to do in times of peril and panic? This is your future you hold in your hands. This is life or death! One wrong turn of the controls or flip of a toggle switch and you could be flung off the path that you should be on to get to that ever elusive destination.

You look out the windshield to try and get your bearings, but nothing looks familiar. Do you really expect anything to look familiar? This IS your first trip to space.

You take a few deep breaths and try to decide what to do. You know you won't be able to find your way back home, you don't even know how much fuel you have left in the tank. So what do you do now? Continue to panic? Curl up in a ball and wait to die from lack of oxygen?

Or...

You can just enjoy the journey.



The future is scary. I have so many decisions to make in the next two months that sometimes I feel like the character in the rocket ship being flung into the unknown without a map or direction.


Directions my rocket ship COULD turn:

-I apply again for the Graphic Design Program at the U at the end of the month (the thought that I have to choose 12 pieces to go into my portfolio out of the hundred or so I have in a pile at home makes me start to sweat). Do I get in? Or not?
-If I don't get into the program (at this point I have no idea the outcome), what new major do I choose? Or, heaven forbid, do I transfer to a different school?
-Do I stay in my apartment with my lovely roomies in SLC for the summer or do I move home?
-Will I ever get a conformation/rejection letter from the Especially For Youth (EFY) people which will help me decide where to go for the summer? (I mean, it's been two months people. I think that's enough time to decide whether or not I am peppy enough to be an EFY councilor. Every time an email comes up on my phone, my mind does a little dance, hoping it's from them.)
-Or do I box up all of the aforementioned ideas for two years and spend my time getting my papers together to go on a mission when I turn 21 in September? (I have always wanted to serve a mission, but the thought of leaving my family, my friends and my ward that I have become so comfortable with for so long is frightening.)


With all of these thoughts running rampant in my mind, throwing over tables, spilling drinks and breaking the fine china, I am in great need for direction. Where can I turn?

Well, unlike the poor soul in the rocket ship, we DO have a map: the scriptures.

And we DO have a team of experts upstairs who know exactly where our ship is headed.

And we DO know our final destination if we are faithful to the end and we keep an eternal perspective.

Does this make all the panic subside and the doubt drift away? Not always. To be honest, I have had panic attack moments that leave me wondering if I will ever make it through. But as President Uchtdorf said in his talk The Infinite Power of Hope: 


"We learn to cultivate hope the same way we learn to walk, one step at a time. There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope. Like Father Abraham, we will 'against hope [believe] in hope.' Or, as one writer expressed, 'in the depth of winter, [we find] within [us] an invincible summer.'"

May we all find the invincible summer within us, find joy in the journey and have faith in our destinations. Our rocket ship is NOT going to run out of fuel, crash or start leaking oxygen unless we let it.

xoxo
CRM

p.s. This is one of the songs that keeps me going. So beautiful.