Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a music junkie. I've been to many a concert (but still not enough), my Spotify account has at least 30 playlists on it (in a certain mood you want a playlist for? I can probably hook you up), and I can sing all the words to most of the songs on the radio. Music has always defined me and my life in a way nothing else can.
Boys and music must have been on the brain this morning because as I was getting ready I realized that I could list at least one or more songs for every guy I've dated or almost dated, or dreamed about dating. Now I know most people can do this for the boyfriends they had in high school and college, but I realized I have songs for some guys that I only went on a couple dates with and it never turned into anything more than that. Or ones I never went out with at all. Creepy? Probably. But hey, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do when it comes to the dating scene. And wallowing in my tunes is my way of coping (and let me tell you, I've been around the block more than once and I've been told multiple times my dating stories should be made into a book or a movie or something ridiculous like that. They are that good (bad?). I think it will be time to share some of them on the blog someday. They are too fantastic to keep to myself and the pages of my journal).
After making this somewhat creepy realization, I decided a new playlist was in order. Because who doesn't want to torture themselves with the memories that these sort of songs invoke again and again? Isn't it funny how we do this to ourselves? We keep these songs around even when they still hurt after several years have gone by. We keep that t-shirt he gave us and we still sleep in it at night even though he's engaged now and we were the one to do the breaking up. It's like Goteye said, "You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness" or Lady Antebellum: "It's like I love this pain a little too much, love my heart all busted up". You wouldn't think we would like these things that make us sad or a little too reminiscent. But we do. Maybe it's to help remind ourselves that we can still feel. Maybe it's to remind our hearts of how much we've learned since that time in our lives. Or maybe we are just all cynical, sadistic creatures that have a strange desire to hurt. I guess that could be it too. (Cue Evenesence emo punk rock).
I may not know the exact reason why we (or at least I) do this to ourselves, but we do. So enjoy this little piece of me and my life through the tunes that shaped my heart (can I get anymore sappy than that? I submit that I cannot!)