23 Things to do Before You're 23...Married or Single

 

I've never really gotten into the whole "response" blog posts that people like to do because I feel like too much of the time all it involves is a lot of finger pointing and empty facts. But some blog posts that I have seen recently really hit home and I decided I needed to share my thoughts on the subject as I reenter into the blogging world. Thoughts that have been running around in my mind for a long time anyways.

The first article I saw posted on Facebook was the following: 23 Things to do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23 by Vanessa Elizabeth. (Pardon the language throughout, in other words, mom you probably shouldn't read it. ha.). I read it, laughed, agreed with her on some points, "liked" it, then promptly forget it existed. Until I saw the following response post that a different friend said she liked much more than the original: 24 Things to Do Instead of Getting Married Before You're 24, a Response. This article written by Taylor, was more than a little rude about the things that the first article listed as things to do before you are married. I started browsing through the comments on the blog and was suprised to find myself disagreeing with both blog post by the end of all this reading. So. Here you have it, my response: 23 Things to do Before You're 23...Married or Single.


I'm a 22 year old, single female, living in a state that has one of the lowest marriage ages for both men and women. Am I an old maid? Heck no. But does it sometimes feel that way with the number of relationship and engagements popping up on Facebook daily? Sometimes. It honestly does feel like Vanessa posted on her blog

What inspired me to scribble down my feelings (so many feelings!) is The Facebook.  I’m seeing all of these notifications that “X and Y” have joined in matrimony and instantly, these waves of anxiety start to flow over me.  Should I be thinking about marriage? I’ve never even had a serious boy friend? Is there something wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME AND WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR ALL THESE YEARS!?

But in the end, we are who we are and there is nothing that should hold us back from having a fulfilling life, married or unmarried. I think this is something that both posts failed to mention. Why do you only get a list of crazy, fun, service oriented, nerdy, etc, activities to do to feel fulfilled in life if you are single? I have some amazing friends and role models who are having more of those type of things happen in their life being married than I have been able to have while being single. Does that mean that either of our ways of life are better? Does that mean either of us are doing life wrong? I don't think so.

Maybe Taylor thought that Vanessa's list of things was too earthly, too "I can have whatever I want". But I also found Taylor's list to have a few flaws itself. Do I have a perfect list of the exact things someone should do to feel like they are making a difference or having fun while they linger on this little planet in the universe? No. And I would never try to pass anything I have to say as 100% true for anyone. Even myself.

But in the end I don't think it should matter if you are single, married, divorced, separated, have a boyfriend, or only have your cat to cuddle with at the end of the night. We all need something from time to time to help us feel like we are making it. Like we are not just surviving, but checking some things off our list of things to do. Maybe that means you eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting like Vanessa, or maybe that means you sponsor an orphan for a year like Taylor. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you are developing and becoming someone that you can love. Because how can someone else love you for who you are, (husband, boyfriend, friend, parent, sibling, future significant other) if you don't love yourself? Coming to truly love yourself is a lifelong pursuit in my opinion. And the times when I have felt that love of myself and of my life have often been the times I feel like I am fulfilling some life-long dream or desire.Those are also the times I feel the most able to open myself up and share that love by giving and sharing with others.

In the end, I don't think there needs or should be a set list of things you want to do before you get married. Why limit yourself in that way? Why do we have to feel like all our crazy plans have to go out the window as soon as we tie the knot? And why do we also sometimes feel like we can't truely be the person we are meant to be without someone else by our side? We are all so uniquely perfect and flawed. I think it's time for us to realize that inside of ourselves and maybe, you know, make a list of things we want to accomplish since that seems to be the theme of this time of year. Cat lady in training or otherwise...

So here is my list in no particular order. I don't expect it to be anyone elses list, and I'm not going to pretend that all of the things I want to accomplish in my life are selfless. But they are things I've always wanted to do, and maybe someday they will actually happen. Even if I have to wait until my honey and I are 83 years old instead of me accomplishing them as a single female at 23.

 1. Write a Novel.
2. Tour Europe. All of it.
3. Cook a fancy four course dinner where everyone is required to dress up like in the olden days.
4. Sew a tailored dress that fits me perfectly.
5. Graduate from college and rebrand a company.
6. Go on a humanitarian aid trip to a third world country.
7. Swim with dolphins.
8. Hike the Grand Canyon.
9. Read every book written by C.S. Lewis.
10. Have an item of clothing I've designed be sold somewhere
11. Take a road trip to New York.
12. Sing a solo in front of a crowd with my guitar.
13. Learn how to play the piano.
14. See Rascal Flatts, and Missy Higgins in concert and sing every word to every song.
15. Help others become healthier any way I can.
16. Get married in the temple (yes I know this one is impossible to do while single)
17. Throw a suprise party that is actually successful.
18. Play ultimate frisbee on a beach somewhere.
19. Learn how to ski/snowboard.
20. Be in a community play/musical.
21. Serve a mission.
22. Get my interpriting license for ASL (American Sign Language)
23. Own a cat...maybe two.

There you have. In essence, Chelsea's Bucket List of Life.

Life is meant to be lived, not pined after, or wallowed in. Marriage has just as many challenges as being single. But it has just as many joys as well. We can learn from each other, grow from the stages of life we are in, and help others grow because we are all at different stages. How boring life would be if we all did the same things at the exact same time?

I think it's okay to be selfish sometimes and do something just for you. Watch Netflicks all day. Make your cake and eat it too. But we always need to remember to reign it in and thank those who have helped us get to where we are. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that everything happens when it should. Your story may include getting married at 19, or it might hold that chapter back for a little while. Either way, you have so much to offer this world and there is just so much to DO! It's overwhelming sometimes, especially when I try and do it all at once. But it makes life a joy to live. Because I'm single. And I'm awesome. And you might be married. And that's awesome. We are all just awesome and full of so much potential that we need to release to the world.

So will you do that with me?

Let's get out there and have some fun :)


xoxo
CRM

The Black Hole Experience (Part One)

Hello my frineds!

I have been meaning to start getting these posts up for a week now and just haven't made the time.

Now I'm making the time. (duh)

So for Memorial Day weekend, my friend Alex invited me to go canyoneering with him and some friends down in Moab. My first thoughts when he invited me to come were:

What the heck is canyoneering?
I've only been hiking once this summer let alone something intense sounding like canyoneering.
I have to get a wetsuit?
I'm in way over my head. 
I will probably die in the canyon and my mom will be right. I should have stayed inside for the rest of my life, never facing the dangerous outdoors. 
Sleeping under the stars? 
I'm pretty sure I will be eaten to death by bugs before I even have the chance to die in the canyon. 
We have to carry in all of our own water? 
Now add dehydration to the list of ways I will die on this trip. 
 
But what actually came out of my mouth (because I'm a tough, macho, "I won't let anyone know I'm afraid because then I'm a silly girly girl who can't be taken seriously" type of person) was:

"Sure! Sounds like fun!"

My little brother Forrest thought the same thing (What the heck is canyoneering?) when I was talking about it and unbeknownst to me, looked it up. Being the concerned brother he was, he tried to talk me out of doing this dangerous activity that could very well end in an untimely death. I asked him why he was so concerned about me going and he explained what he thought canyoneering was. The definition that he had pulled up on his phone said something like: "Letting oneself be taken by the current of a river down a canyon with no rafts or boats."

Ha!

I had a good laugh and thankfully was able to let him know that was NOT what I would be participating in the coming Monday. What we would really be doing was the following:

The sport of exploring canyons (as by climbing, rappelling, swimming, or rafting) 

A veiw of the Black Hole canyon (No this isn't my picture and no this doesn't do it justice. Well, besides the color of the water. That is pretty accurate. Lol)

Must less scary (I think...)

It was going to be a short trip (drive down Sunday afternoon, camp, sleep, hike, drive home Monday afternoon) and was promised to be a beginners climb that a newbie to all things outdoors (like myself) would be able to handle. I was pumped. I was going to be able to try something new and add another item to my Summer Adventures list.

After asking Alex about a bazillion questions ranging from "where should I meet you guys" to "should I bring a blanket?" I was feeling ready to go and uber excited.

Then the drama began.

to be continued...

xoxo
C.R.M.

Summer Bucket List

A goal I made for myself last summer was to try as many new things as possible within the 3 months of freedom from homework and the grind of fitting in school, work and some semblance of a social life. Some first times from last summer included:

• riding a scooter 
• The motorized kind one step down from a motorcycle, not the razor kind freshman like to use as their main source of transportation on campus. The best part of this was that it was on the way to watch listen to a concert from a hill with a bunch of other hippies students. Very hipster. 
• visiting Red Butte Gardens 
• What a beautiful place. I would recommend it to anyone who is in the SLC area and hasn't been. Especially if you are a U student because you get in for freeeeeee!!! (name that movie)
• trying sushi for the first time
•  My friend and I went to a place in downtown Salt Lake where all the sushi is 1/2 off after 11 (happy hour). I had some sort of regular raw fish kind and the vegas roll (sushi that has been deep fried--the Americanized dessert-like kind). Guess which one was my favorite.
• going fishing 
• I'm proud to say that on one of our trips I caught the biggest fish of the group-let's hear it for the newbie!
• gutting a fish 
• I was surprisingly relatively undisgusted by this chore. I think it's mostly because fish are slimy and gross and I didn't feel bad cutting them in half. Now tell me to do the same thing to a quail or a bunny and I might just pass out. Or start to cry. Or both.
• filleting a fish 
• This came right after the gutting and was a lot less gross, but also a lot more difficult. I'm pretty sure most of the pieces I did were just that-in pieces. Like 50 of them.
• getting my purse stolen
• Okay, so this wasn't a first I was planning on experiencing, but has now instilled in me moments of terror every time I leave a location. I check about twenty or a hundred times just to make sure I have everything I came with. And yet I still leave things places. I believe every item or importance should come with a clicker like cars do so I can push a button and have them beep at me. Speaking of which I could use this for the before-mentioned car clicker on my keys sometimes. 

As Summer 2013 begins I've decided it's time for a new list of new things to try an accomplish is long past due (I mean, it's already been what, two weeks?)

• go climbing
• This was partially accomplished this Tuesday on a crazy free-climbing adventure I went on...more on that later. 
• skydiving 
• This was on last summers list and will probably once again not get accomplished, but one can dream, right? 
• camping
• This will probably be accomplished next weekend if I get up the gumption to actually join in on the Moab trip...
• discover downtown
• It's been a goal ever since I moved to SLC to take a Saturday and just walk around downtown Salt Lake. Go into all the little shops, eat somewhere new, get an awful farmers tan, you know, the works. 
• go to the farmers market
• I really should have gone before now...
• try out the southbound Frontrunner
• Having a car makes life so much easier, but the price of gas makes me want to curl up in a little ball and never leave the apartment. So I really might as well try this newfangled transportation option and see what all the hype is about.
• enter a freelace design competition
• I need to keep up my designing skills somehow this summer and why not have the chance to make boucoo bucks in the process??
• go to one of the Twilight Concert Series shows
• I still wish I would have gone and seen Iron and Wine when they came last year, but as usual, something came up. Therefore I would like to try out a new one this year. And yes I will be wearing a thrifted dress, my hair will have some resemblance to dreads and I will probably wear loafers. If you're gonna try and be hipster, you might as well go all the way. Oh, I will also bring a mason jar full of herbal tea to sip on during the show. 
• go to a fire party and play my guitar
• I'm still working on overcoming the fear of playing my guitar in front of others. Singing? Nobigdeal. Playing? Terror. But I have this romanticized picture of my playing and laughing and singing with other laughing, singing people all around a fire on a beach during the summer. Since I live in Utah and that is probably not going to change anytime soon, delete the beach part and that is the picture of a perfect summer night in my  head.

Well there are some of my goals for the summer--you guys have any crazy fun adventure suggestions I should add to the list?

C.R.M.
xoxo

p.s. To stick with the random cat theme (What can I say, I can't help it when I search for "bucket" online and get one with a cat. I have to use it.) here is a cat gif to make your day a little brighter :)