Stronger

I've come to realize that sometimes it takes living in a situation you wish you could run away from to really find out who you want to be and what you need to change. No matter how much you wish you could change your scenery and escape from all the things that are wrong, sometimes the only solution is to live through it and become stronger, even if it seems like each step is extremely minuscule. 

I've always been one to run away from a situation when it gets uncomfortable or there is a possibility of me getting hurt. But this summer has become the summer of sticking it out and learning to deal. It isn't always fun or easy and sometimes it feels like a punch in the stomach and you just have to eat ice cream and watch a chick flick and cry, but you just have to live through it. 

On the up side, other times, these feelings of discomfort can be empowering. It can be empowering to realize that you don't need to hold on or change or be someone you aren't in order to impress others. It can be empowering to rediscover yourself in little ways like realizing you've missed doing some of your favorite things because you were busy living the life you thought was best but wasn't. It can be empowering to do something well and be recognized for it, even if you don't feel like you need the recognition. It can be empowering to know you are strong enough to move on, even if it is only in little ways every day, week, and month. It can be empowering to meet new people and realize that there might even be someone else out there who will check 'yes' on the "Do you like me?" note you pass them durning sacrament meeting. 

I have to admit that Kelly Clarkson's What Doesn't Kill You (Makes You Stronger) is getting rather old as I flip through my radio stations and it is playing on three at the same time {what can I say, I'm a fan of variety}, but its message, no matter how cliched, is true. It is empowering.

Living without someone who had become your best friend and then disappointed you...

Being the bigger person and helping that same person out that you wish you could snub...

Learning to open up to people again even though you're afraid of getting hurt...

Trying new things that might scare you to death...

Being okay with being alone sometimes...

Changing the way you see others and the way you see the world around you...

Realizing that you shouldn't change for anyone, no matter what...

Learning to accept the past and try and find hope in the future...

Makes You Stronger.

And it is in these low points, where you feel like all you can do is slowly scratch and pull yourself up the walls of the pit you've dug for yourself, where true life altering change can happen to a persons character and soul. It is in these times of discontent that one may have to realize that: "There is no growth in a comfort zone and there is no comfort in a growth zone."

I know we all have some growing to do. That's why we're here, right? We can't expect to be able to do any of this growing if everything is always right all of the time. There has to be those scenes of rain and melancholy background music before the protagonists can find themselves and love at the end of their happily ever after. Love stories wouldn't be very fun to read if everything was always right. It is usually at the times of wrong where you really come to know the characters and are able to sympathize with them so that their triumph is that much sweeter. 

I know I'm probably preaching to the choir on this one and that anyone who is going through hard times or is just coming out of them already knows all of this and is probably tired of hearing it. I know I get that way when people try to pull the "It will all work out in the end" line. But no matter how much we wish we could just wallow in self-pity forever, change always comes. The sun always rises. New people will always show up and new beginnings are not always bad, and you know what? They might even make you stronger. :)

xoxo

C.R.M. 

Words to Live By

Words to live by.

Maybe I should try these things out more often.

Might make things, hm, idk, less complicated. 

:)

xoxo

CRM

My Favorite Kind of Weekend

As we were running out the door to make it to the afternoon session of the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints at the Conference Center, the voice and words of Henry B. Eyring were floating through the house. What an amazing talk that I will watch/read again and again.

Coming home for conference is always a great opportunity to focus on what the spirit can teach me, eat good food and spend time laughing and joking with my family. Some of the highlights:

• Celebrating getting into the Graphic Design program at the UofU by going to lunch at Texas Roadhouse (I can't tell you how excited I am to finally know what the next few years of my life will hold!)
• Coconut Creme filled Doves: AMAZING
• Late night movies (Charlie St. Cloud and Johnny English: Reborn)
• Seeing my little brother and his date off to Preference (made me miss high school dances big time)
• The Muppets Movie (This song is so great)

• Seeing all the amazing spring flowers on Temple Square
• Getting to be in the spirit filled Conference Center for the afternoon session and getting an upgrade on our seats 
• Going to City Creek with the girls while the men were at Priesthood session
• Best sign asking for money I have ever seen: "Brother kidnapped by squirrels-need money for nuts and booby traps"
• Buying a blazer that makes me look super skinny
• Watching the musical numbers from Priesthood session so I could point out all my guy friends who were in the choir (they sounded amazing btw)
• Getting to sleep in my huge queen sized bed 
• Snuggling with my kitty

There really is no place like home!

xoxo

CRM

Joy in the Journey and Faith in the Destination

Imagine a rocket ship about to be launched into space.

Think of all of the preparations, persuasions and perseverance that had to take place to get that rocket ship on the platform about to take off.

It's quite a bit, right?

I can't even comprehend all the science and math that must go on behind the scenes to make everything work smoothly and keep the passengers on board safe while they journey. I'm just glad there are other people who get to take care of those things and not me.

Alright, so you have all the science, you've packed your astronaut food, and your suit has been shined until it sparkles. You board the rocket, the signal is given and with a roar, you slowly begin your flight up into the unknown. The smoke fades, the crowd disperses and you are left alone in the sky. You look down and see the earth that you have come to know so well disappear behind you. You face forward, determined to get to your destination successfully so you can bring back new knowledge to your colleges. You look down at the coordinates that should be blinking on the screen in front of you to tell you which way to turn to begin your adventures in space.

You gasp.

There are no blinking dots.

The screen in blank and you start to panic. Here you are in the middle of nowhere, the middle of nowhere in SPACE, and you have no idea what direction you are suppose to go or even how to get back home. You were expecting there to be a map of some sort with step by step directions to hlep you get to your destination. Suddenly you realize that you don't even know what that destination is. You were never told. Shouldn't this have been part of the debriefing? Shouldn't there be some sort of manual or chart or something to show you what to do in times of peril and panic? This is your future you hold in your hands. This is life or death! One wrong turn of the controls or flip of a toggle switch and you could be flung off the path that you should be on to get to that ever elusive destination.

You look out the windshield to try and get your bearings, but nothing looks familiar. Do you really expect anything to look familiar? This IS your first trip to space.

You take a few deep breaths and try to decide what to do. You know you won't be able to find your way back home, you don't even know how much fuel you have left in the tank. So what do you do now? Continue to panic? Curl up in a ball and wait to die from lack of oxygen?

Or...

You can just enjoy the journey.



The future is scary. I have so many decisions to make in the next two months that sometimes I feel like the character in the rocket ship being flung into the unknown without a map or direction.


Directions my rocket ship COULD turn:

-I apply again for the Graphic Design Program at the U at the end of the month (the thought that I have to choose 12 pieces to go into my portfolio out of the hundred or so I have in a pile at home makes me start to sweat). Do I get in? Or not?
-If I don't get into the program (at this point I have no idea the outcome), what new major do I choose? Or, heaven forbid, do I transfer to a different school?
-Do I stay in my apartment with my lovely roomies in SLC for the summer or do I move home?
-Will I ever get a conformation/rejection letter from the Especially For Youth (EFY) people which will help me decide where to go for the summer? (I mean, it's been two months people. I think that's enough time to decide whether or not I am peppy enough to be an EFY councilor. Every time an email comes up on my phone, my mind does a little dance, hoping it's from them.)
-Or do I box up all of the aforementioned ideas for two years and spend my time getting my papers together to go on a mission when I turn 21 in September? (I have always wanted to serve a mission, but the thought of leaving my family, my friends and my ward that I have become so comfortable with for so long is frightening.)


With all of these thoughts running rampant in my mind, throwing over tables, spilling drinks and breaking the fine china, I am in great need for direction. Where can I turn?

Well, unlike the poor soul in the rocket ship, we DO have a map: the scriptures.

And we DO have a team of experts upstairs who know exactly where our ship is headed.

And we DO know our final destination if we are faithful to the end and we keep an eternal perspective.

Does this make all the panic subside and the doubt drift away? Not always. To be honest, I have had panic attack moments that leave me wondering if I will ever make it through. But as President Uchtdorf said in his talk The Infinite Power of Hope: 


"We learn to cultivate hope the same way we learn to walk, one step at a time. There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope. Like Father Abraham, we will 'against hope [believe] in hope.' Or, as one writer expressed, 'in the depth of winter, [we find] within [us] an invincible summer.'"

May we all find the invincible summer within us, find joy in the journey and have faith in our destinations. Our rocket ship is NOT going to run out of fuel, crash or start leaking oxygen unless we let it.

xoxo
CRM

p.s. This is one of the songs that keeps me going. So beautiful.